AntiAmba

When you feel your life running away You keep walking And you reach to land you told do not want touch again To wonder a familiar landscape To some close memory And that place where you use to live That fades and wash away You shovel that deception and blurred conversations You travel along the road In the search of the missing destiny You reach to a stripped bedroom Where the atmosphere and the odor resembles On the concrete jungle arrival You are tortured by thoughts Don't you want to be free? Don't you want to set yourself to be free?

" When you wake up in the morning, tell your self: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own-not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. […] To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions. " Marcus Aurelius - Meditations There was a time that I thought I was punished and everything was taken from me. It took a time, too much time, while to realize that I need to reborn and learn how to get back what I thought it was lost. It has always been there, I just need to deserve it instead of owning it.

Langebaan - Saldanha Bay - iRiphabliki yomZantsi Afrika En Juin, pendant trois jours dans un hôtel `a Fort Lauredale sur la plage, j'ai été exposé à une des idées le plus importantes, que je suis devenu conseiller de dirigeants d'entreprise. Je dois désapprendre Il y a une periode où après savoir tout, il faut désapprendre. C'est ce qui se passe avec l'activité de conseiller. J'ai eu l'idée que nous devons évoluer. Faire évoluer les idées, mettre fin, aux préjugés. Moi, un ingénieur devenu architecte, j'apprends à désapprendre. Et pourquoi, comment désapprendre ? Dans ses vertes années, le cœur de l'architecte semble être celui de l'originalité. Être original, c'est différent. Et les gens aiment les premières pirouettes qu’un gars fait. Et le gars aime que les gens le voient comme un champion; une étoile. Attention, viennent les recettes, les idées toutes faites, les transpositions des études de marché, les clichés, ou, plus amèrement, l...

Fort Lauredale En Juin, pendant trois jours dans un hôtel `a Fort Lauredale sur la plage, j'ai été exposé à des idées plus importantes depuis que je suis devenu conseiller de dirigeants d'entreprise. Je dois désapprendre Il y a un moment où après savoir tout, il faut désapprendre. C'est ce qui se passe avec l'activité de conseiller. J'ai eu l'idée que nous devions évoluer. Faire évoluer les idées, mettre fin, quitter les préjugés. Moi, probablement un ingénieur devenu architecte, j'apprends à désapprendre. Et pourquoi, comment désappris? Dans la verdure de ses années, le cœur de l'architecte semble être celui de l'originalité. Être original, c'est se montrer différent. Et les gens aiment les premières pirouettes qu’un gars donne. Et le gars aime que les gens le voient comme un talent; une étoile. Attention, viennent les recettes, les idées faites, les transpositions des études de marché, les clichés, ou, plus amèrement, les lieux com...

No Instagram. No Lomography. No Photoshop.

Don't you want the plain truth? Worry not about what is right and wrong. Such kind of dilemma. Induces conflict. Do not correct what you see and feel. Correction transform into a disease of your mind. You are taken to distort the reality .

I departed from Cape Town to Singapore on 10th May 2018. It has been close to 4 years living in a outpost which I hang my shirts and do the laundry time to time. The last memory I have about the departure, apart of filling my existence in another set of 4 extra large suitcases and felling my life running away, was the maintenance crew coming to my apartment and apply water restrictors on the taps. Cape Town was running out of water. "Day Zero" as it was coined, was coming - somewhere in the middle of June - the day which water will not run anymore out of the taps. The effect of total water consumption was the result of poor public policy management. A perfect storm of a combination of population increase due to the fact of incoming migrants from wrecked cities like Johannesburg and Durban poised with crime and terror, the deviation of water to farms and agriculture and bellow that half of average of rainfall for 3 consecutive years. It is, literally a black swan that coul...

Hear the call for prayer Feel a force descending The call for change Day to day Are you ready to believe? Are you ready to sell yourself? Are you ready to dream? Are you ready to endure? A storm is coming

Feel the insomnia, feel the dizziness; Feel the time, feel the heat of the wind; Saw the wheel turning and the dice rolling; Feel the vice, smell the weed, walked with my shoes tainted with liquor; Talked with the whores, the junkies and the misfits; Face the time, feel the disconnection; Feel the wonder, feel the desire, feel the lust; I am just traveling to make the world go round and around.

“The man who wants to write a great book paint a great picture create an architectural masterpiece become a great scientist and knows that never in all eternity will he be able to realize this, his innermost desire, can find no peace in a stable social order - old or new. He sees the world perpetually out of joint. He feels at home only in a state of chaos.” Eric Hoffer - The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements    I believe not many people have failed through life exactly the way I did. I am always living life in perpetual chaos, anxiety and disorder,  creating nonlinear connections between themes, concepts and ideas.  This is where inspiration comes from and make to achieve the impossible. Most of the people I know like to continue to live their ordered life and do not understand the meaning of these words. They never will.

Miss Sloane is a movie picture that tells the story of a woman that work for lobbies in the U.S.A. Her professional life immerses her on a spiral of demanding tasks that erases completely her personal life. She does not have time to feel that she is alone. She does not have time at all. She suffers from sleep deprivation and relies duting the day on pills to make the world go round. Perpetual professional  duties isolates her from doing simple things like do some scrambled eggs and a salad. Despite she is afluent, she eats at a shabby greasy dinner directly from the paper buckets. As a member of a shared economy,  she also shares male prostitutes. She is only interested in selfish pleasure and be breathless for some time in order that she senses that it still can feel. She falls in love by the only prostitute that is introduced in the script, called Ford, his real name, that she does not even believe once we are vested in alias and multiple nick names. As duties are stron...

As I put down on the table Kant's Critique of Judgement, the dialogue propelled at the coffee shop on a table next to me.     - What are you thinking?     - I am thinking about us.     - Why you told me I was a lie? (challenging)     - Because you are precious to me. (bitter)     - Do you believe me?     - I don't know.     - Why you are so statuesque?     - Because you put some holes in my chest.     - Why you are so possessive? Go fuck yourself!     - Your life was poured into my mouth.     - My poison was spread across your back. The waitress arrives and bends in a way I tell her to stand-up, she must show some self-respect. I ask for the bill.     - Why we just don't walk way? (touches gently the forearm, eager)     - And if is terrible? We will hate each other. I will lose ...

At a restaurant, waiting for K, while I was searching for too much information on the phone, a couple sit next to me. They barely talk and their eyes wonder to the decor. I put the phone and took a sip in the entry-level white wine. I look discretely to the lonely couple. I try to image what they are thinking, staring with contempt. We discover. We caress. We touch. We fuck, we come. We loved. We cared. We work. We fought. We forgive. We fuck. We work. We fought. We work. We work. We work. We cheated. We work. We cheated. We cheated. We cheated. We quit. K arrives. The waitress, dressed like a pin-up escorts K to the table where I sit.While am being suffocated by work issues, I interrupted her and tell: - Have you took a peek to these ones, sitting next to us? - With the energy we are creating, it is becoming a form of social relationship harassment. They feel intimidated, she told. I have been trough it before. I tried to reverse the situation, but I did not...

A thousand plateaus: capitalism and schizophrenia, by Deleuze and Guattary was not published this year, hence, it would never appear in any best book of the year list. A challenging read. Therese Krumbholz, the dumb housekeeper of Elias Canetti Nobel prize award wining novel, Auto-da-Fé, needed to read twice or three times the same page of Peter Kien's infinite book collection to understand the meaning of it. In this case you do not need to repeat the reading. Most of times you will understand the reading if you have a life story that reveals your experience across the authors narrative style and how it connects to the concepts they wrote. It is a book that followed my world drifts, my inner reflections. That exposes your ignorance, that lets I see right through you. More than the technical interpretation , makes you ignore listening to the order, exposes how ridiculous you are when you already lost your privacy, how you lost your reasoning, when the state, the machine, contr...

Travelling in economy class in any kind of airline can be a very rewarding experience. The closeness, boundary-less space shared with the passenger siting next to you, can be considered an invasion of your privacy, unless your travelling partner is a woman an she is interested in embracing into journey of exposing the soul to a stranger. Have you imaged what is to be laid back, relaxed, looking to her eyes, like you were with your date in a bed, ready to start sexual intercourse and you listen without paying attention, about her dreams and experiences? And how frustrated it becomes once she does not give you a sign and you can't put the arm rest up and enter into her space? We were 3 at a table. I noticed her feet are beautiful. She scrubs the feet gently under the iron table, as we seat at a restaurant near a swimming pool. - When the divorce was over, I wanted to move out of Berlin, she told. - I was sick of the routine, to go to my fathers a...

I wake up. I look at the window trying to figure it dawn is close or I need to wait. Everything is dark. Again, waiting to feel the pulse of the city. I have nothing to do. It's 04:18 as I glanced to the phone glass. I am defined on not finding a center that is hidden in my mind as I fell multiple exogenous forces around an idea, like radiating circles that expand in my brain with an hidden order. I jump to one place to the other, to one principle to the next one. I cannot find answers to what is right or what is wrong. Sense just moves away and drains my energy. Contrary of complex systems, there is no natural equilibrium. I have been told I put very hard to myself lately.

When you arrive to Cape Town's airport domestic terminal, there are a series of billboards of an investment bank that is promoting safe and responsible asset portfolio management. Most of the pictures are about people coming from different backgrounds and professions, sweating, exhausting and bleeding to achieve some conform or life status. One of the billboards' includes a picture of a young male working alone in an empty office. All the city is sleeping. The  person is there finishing some kind of work on top of a deadline. I worked many times like the man in the picture. A recurring repetitive pattern in the knowledge era we live. Music is that piece of art that I like to hear time and time again, contrary to books or movies, that I shelve, once I read or watch it. I particular enjoy song versions. During the 80's, the music industry created a new revenue source, the 12" extended play mixes. In the beginning, those versions were merely black vinyl fillers, but...

There a moment in time I return to my south hemisphere home base after the annual leave period. The arrival always leaves me the impression that I do not belong here, but I live here. On arrival, I needed to get a name clearance statement from the police for a visa application purposes. In Cape Town downtown, there is a central police station, close to Truth Cafe, an avant-garde place where I spend some during weekends reading the newspapers. Cape Town at the city center is a maze full of high and low buildings. During winter season, it offers an amazing continuum change in light brightness as you walk on the street. Light change becomes bolder close to dusk. When walking around the blocks, some streets can be exposed to sun light, corners stand in the shadow, while others transition from dark to light grey. For the ones that live in downtown, as I lived for two months on my arrival to Mother City, it becomes part of your life, walking around the maze of the light spectrum, when you ...

"Try to love your siblings, your acquaintances actively and tirelessly. As you achieve progress in loving the others, you will convince yourself about God 's existence and the immortality of God's soul. If you self sacrifice to love who surrounds you, you will believe in it without any kind of doubt and no doubt will enter in your soul." Fiódor Dostoievki - The Brothers Karamazov My father died some years ago. I do not remember how many years ago he passed away. I also do not keep in mind what was the exact date when he died. I have a record of his death certificate, but I did not open it or look at it ever since. I just remember he died around August 15th because in Portugal it is celebrated the assumption of Mary. My father did not love me. I was just a biologic product that resulted from sex intercourse with my mother. He never supported me with money - he had the responsibility to pay a pension as a result of the divorce, but he was clever enough...

This entry goes back in time. On June 2014, I was at Enterprise Architecture Conference Europe in London to present my work on the theme of cybernetics, called Viable System Model meets Enterprise Architecture . During the preparation of the presentation, I moved to a co-work location in Leça da Palmeira, Portugal, to isolate my self from bias an influence. During my stay at the co-work lab, which I sat side by side to a digital graphical designer, a kind of digital artist, I talked with one resident about the concepts of cybernetics. During the conversation, I was exposed to the concept of the rhizome, created by two French philosophers, Deleuze and Guattari, designed to bring some random pointers about complexity theory, deeply related with the challenges a cybernetician like to reflect on. The rhizome was brought to life in a book called A Thousand Plateaus, that according to the authors, was written in random mode. Every day, they decide in which part of the book they will w...